You might notice that chriscurnow.com has a lot to say about relationships between the sexes. It’s probably been the dominant theme here since we got started.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to repair relationships between men and women. For a long time I thought it was my role in life to make it OK for women. To show them that there were men in the world who loved them truly and would not hurt them. To protect them.
A few years ago I had the opportunity to speak with some women about how I felt and was surprised by their reaction. They didn’t want protecting thank you very much and they didn’t want a man to make it OK for them. I realised how chauvanistic I was.
I’m still trying to learn about this and how I can participate in dialogue about this topic without chauvanism. The best I have come up with so far is about speaking honestly what it is like to be a man – hence my post about breasts. I had my heart in my mouth when I posted that article because I wondered how people I knew would react. But I wanted to say it. I wanted to be a man being prepared to be honest about how I view women. I hoped that it would prompt men to add or retell their ‘breast stories’. About how confusing it can be to be a man. About how you want to tell a women that she is beautiful but you’re just not sure how. I also hoped that it would help women to tell men what it is like to have breasts. The good stories and the bad stories and all the stories in between.
I guess it is all part of a dream about life where men and women have greater understanding of each other and can live and work together in a way that harnesses the power of each.
A dream about organisations where we as men can tell our women co-workers that they are beautiful, because that is part of how we perceive them, as just an ordinary part of conversation. Without power games, without trying to seduce or gain advantage over. Without trying to put down. This dream is so important to me because sex so often (always?) gets in the way in organisations. It stops relationship which is at the very heart of an organisation’s effectiveness. And it doesn’t have to. Sexuality is part of who we all are. If only we could just admit it, allow for it and honour it we could work together so much more effectively.
Going deeper into my very core beliefs about the purpose of life and the value of human existence, it also means that people of both sexes could experience their lives more fully.